The Great Cambridge Sex Survey
The result:
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!Our results show that Cambridge is 86.5% heterosexual, 7.0% homosexual, 7.4% bisexual, and 0.1% statistical error (you know who you are…).
An amazing 20% of you are getting it on the daily, whilst a further 41% of you never go a week without giving your mattresses a solid session of impact testing.
Spare a thought, however, for the full 12% of us who “never” have sex, and perhaps attempt to avoid that unusual 7% who only put the basilisk back into the Chamber of Secrets ‘annually’, in what one can only presume is some kind of birthday treat or pagan love festival.
Almost half of us claim never to have one-night stands, whilst on the other end of the scale an enthusiastic 3.3% have mono-nocturnal sessions of bipedalism “every week”. In between the poles of what one can only assume are the C.U. and Girton girls who can’t afford a taxi home, a solid 28% of us have one-night stands at least once-a-term and over half of us admit to at least one a year.
In what I reckon to be the most shocking set of statistics in the whole survey, an impressive (I mean, immoral) 46% of Cambridge students have had special mummy-daddy cuddles with 2 or more different partners in a week, almost a fifth of us have gone one better and had 3 or more partners, and an energetic 3 and a bit per cent sub-sextion of lotharios and lotharihoes claim to have had 5 or more partners.
Indeed, this insatiable appetite for ‘inserting the euphemism’ is apparently a greater desire than our yearning for good grades, with 76% of us preferring first class sex to a first class essay, begging the question of why the fuck we didn’t all just apply to Leeds or Essex and spend three years banging girls called Stacie who ‘don’t usually do this’.
Finally, on a more serious note, a worrying 29% of our respondents know a friend with a sexually-transmitted infection. A sobering thought for next time you are the deliverer or receiver of swollen goods.
